Now… If I were to sit down and pick through every single article of my objection to, and every single reason as to why I hold ‘talent shows’ e.g. Britain’s Got Talent in absolute contempt, then my newest rant would span beyond the capacity of the internet to withhold on a website like 'blogger.com'. So this is a very toned down and less example driven commentary on these shows. Intro over – I am bursting to get to the point:
(In the interest of simplicity I’ll only criticize The X Factor here, however the endless reality show drivel can also be criticized by many of the same virtues with which I criticise The X Factor here)
The exception to these forms of entertainment that I take can be classified into several categories:
- Their prescriptive, mainstream based outlook on music.
- Their failure to put contestants into the music industry who do anything to make a significant difference.
- Their bias in judgement.
- The demographic of the general viewer.
So, to begin with my first point about how the judges, and perhaps authorities behind the show, are prescriptive with their view; with judges like Cowell and Barlow (still the others but more so the ones like these two) who dish out insults to contestants frequently, there is a feeling that they are these great legislators of definitive and unquestionable musical truth. It wouldn’t matter if Mozart and Wagner were the judges, one cannot take music (specific instances of energy released by aurally noticeable vibration) and make it an absolute. Just the mere concept of a certain noise being better than another noise because of something that it is on a superficial and unfamiliar level is arguably a bizarre one. Admittedly, with regard to musical capabilities, the judge of a music based show being someone like Louis Walsh as opposed to an unquestionably skilled musician like Beethoven* adds to the hypocrisy of the whole aspect of the show being based on a legislative evaluator. There must be someone other than myself who gets annoyed when week in and week out there is some Judge who is a glossy ex member of a boy band or some other nauseating creation of money driven music telling people who come on that they can’t sing. Its quite besides the point, but is it not true that many people who are successful in the music industry as vocalists cannot sing as such. However lest not dwell on the prescriptive nature of the show – it isn’t my main criticism of it as such.
This is the main objection: What defines a generation musically speaking is the original music that comes out in that generation. Modern music is defined by the Contemporary R’n’B and Hip-Hop that is popular at the moment. Anything that is in the charts will make my point, I would speak about specific artists but I am not what you might call an avid follower of chart stuff so I apologise for the lack of substance here. This is what my criticism of their failure to put contributing musicians into a forward looking music industry comes in. Ok lets be honest; The X Factor is a glorified Karaoke – for all intents and purposes. Contestants get up and cover a song... then leave again. So the end product, after a long contest, is that the nation knows who is most effective at learning to be able play someone elses song smoothly after a weeks preparation. Absolutely brilliant... if we want an industry driven entirely by cover artists. It strikes me that the shows aim is to render their contestants into the best musical based form of tracing paper possible. If it is agreed that the people who are going to make a difference in the music industry are those who play original songs, or who at least play covers in an entirely different and newly meaningful format than the originals, then surely it is also agreed that the proverbial human music tracing paper that are generated by the show are not going to be the individuals who define the generation and who make masses of impact on the scene altogether. I may be the only person out there thinking this, but I certainly think that a show that seems to be attempting to give something to the music industry rather than a one night stand type of entertainment to the public in the format of the running of the show, ought to be trying to generate contestants with their own ideas and musical visions. In the pre show interviews I am struck by the amount of people all saying their motivation for embarrassing themselves on national television is for the potential fame the show brings. If for once someone with a new idea of their own came on the show it would be refreshing. If the show wouldn’t chew them up and spit them out in the mainstream machine *cogs spinning, money making, people burning* manner in which it would, then it would nurture some real musicians for the public. To back up my point just think of how many successful musicians have come from X Factor compared to the amount of series. Listing all those I can think of off the top of my head there are 6 (Cher, Jedward, Leonna Lewis, JLS, Alexandra Burke, Matt Carlisle)... I may have missed a few, but still the show hasn’t bred that many true super stars, and in fact the amount of people who go through the show seemingly successfully and come out doing nothing are unbelievable. Just 4 people for you to dwell on the careers of who illustrate that point – Shane Ward, Steve Brookstein, Leon Jackson and Joe McElderry. Those are ALL winners of the show. If the show had forced them to generate a really revolutionary idea that nobody else was doing musically speaking, then they would at least have had memorable careers outside of reality television.
Onwards – the musical bias section... Louis Walsh. I almost only have to say his name and some people will know exactly what I mean. Watch his silly face every time an Irish person comes on the show. It lights up like a Christmas tree... on Prozac... getting a handjob. Honestly – that would like me hailing the talent of anyone going on the show who spoke like a member of Adge Cutler and the Wurzels (although having said that, The Wurzels would truly be refreshment amongst the tiresome love song crooning of the average contestant). So the shows are fundamentally unfair, on top of every other allegation I’ve brought before it. If we accept for a second that a supposed ‘music based show’ being diametrically opposed to the originality that benefits the industry is an entirely valid concept, then could it not at least be fair in its assessment? Ok put Louis Walsh and his national pride to one side for a second... Have you noticed the instances of what I call ‘pity qualification’? Pity qualification being when a contestant comes on with a suitably whiny, tearful backstory, and the nation holds it breath, watch them belt out some words that are nothing special in a nothing special way, and then all applaud the effort. Its as if we could all win the X factor if we had the audacity to actually let something go wrong in our perfect, straight teeth, unscarred, Clearasil, plastic, tacky, Californian beach hut, sunny lives, in which the unicorns are housetrained and there is always a rainbow in the sky of haribo dolly mix. As sorry as I am that their lives have been blemished in some way, that hasn’t turned them into B.B. King overnight. If the contest was fair I’d feel far less resentment towards it. I’m going to return to Louis now to elaborate on a slightly different tangent about the Irish point. The Irish as a nation are highly proud, they get behind Irish athletes, support Irish politicians... and Ooh, guess what? – They vote for Irish singers. Call me a conspiracy theorist if you like, but it would make sense that ITV would see the benefit in having Irish people competing. It keeps their phone lines ticking and also therefore their bank balances expanding. So I think Louis’s inclusion on the show is based on more than his ability to manage bands. In fact I think their thinking can be understood by this simple diagram:
Louis Walsh = Irish contestants competing > Irish contestants = Irish voters > Irish voters = money
This point is pretty isolated from this rant in a way, but its still based on the same frustrating sentiment that the show is money obsessed at the sufferance of the actual music.
At last I come to the demographic of the general viewer. This is more a conclusive point if I’m honest. The viewer supports all of this. The money hunger, the destruction of the musical industry, the putting of pop music and pop musicians on a pedestal of oh great musical judgement – none of this could be done without them. I don’t propose a boycott... or a strike... or any other moronic Totnes type idea that could be formulating in my head. If it was 50% more ‘total-prat’, that is. I am not surprised that the concept of The X Factor was ever conceived, perhaps I am not surprised either that the people have followed it. After all, there are always those who can’t put sob stories to one side and make an unbiased decision, there are always those who are going to have a snobby absolutist view of pop music and there are always the Irish who vote Irish. It still saddens me nonetheless.
I can only beg two things – 1) To all talent singers saying you want to go on X Factor; DON’T. You’ll become a cover artist and never have a career. If you really are talented then pursue a career and get noticed. When you do get noticed, don’t let them tell you how to do your stuff either. When music becomes compromise it becomes The X Factor. And 2) To Simon Cowell; read this rant. Make the snide remarks if you wish, but the facts are here in this rant. Stick that in your sweet pipe and smoke it my dear. Doesn’t it taste just great?
*For all you clever-wever, notey-wotey taking, observant leftists: I have not just gone back on myself – Beethoven’s skill level in arranging specific instances of energy released by aurally noticeable vibration IS unquestionable. Even if you don’t like it. I’m sure even that you don’t. To become a good a composer as he was takes immense skill. Its not like his pieces are based on 3 major chords. To illustrate my point I’ll use 2 examples – Sid Vicious, a poor bassist technicality and skill wise, regardless of how much you do or do not like his music – The members of Dream Theatre, all have great musical skill levels but again how good the music is remains a matter of debate. Seriously; just one comment telling me this bit is me contradicting myself and I’ll lose all remaining faith in humanity. Outside of what I expect from the trolls of course.
(In the interest of simplicity I’ll only criticize The X Factor here, however the endless reality show drivel can also be criticized by many of the same virtues with which I criticise The X Factor here)
The exception to these forms of entertainment that I take can be classified into several categories:
- Their prescriptive, mainstream based outlook on music.
- Their failure to put contestants into the music industry who do anything to make a significant difference.
- Their bias in judgement.
- The demographic of the general viewer.
So, to begin with my first point about how the judges, and perhaps authorities behind the show, are prescriptive with their view; with judges like Cowell and Barlow (still the others but more so the ones like these two) who dish out insults to contestants frequently, there is a feeling that they are these great legislators of definitive and unquestionable musical truth. It wouldn’t matter if Mozart and Wagner were the judges, one cannot take music (specific instances of energy released by aurally noticeable vibration) and make it an absolute. Just the mere concept of a certain noise being better than another noise because of something that it is on a superficial and unfamiliar level is arguably a bizarre one. Admittedly, with regard to musical capabilities, the judge of a music based show being someone like Louis Walsh as opposed to an unquestionably skilled musician like Beethoven* adds to the hypocrisy of the whole aspect of the show being based on a legislative evaluator. There must be someone other than myself who gets annoyed when week in and week out there is some Judge who is a glossy ex member of a boy band or some other nauseating creation of money driven music telling people who come on that they can’t sing. Its quite besides the point, but is it not true that many people who are successful in the music industry as vocalists cannot sing as such. However lest not dwell on the prescriptive nature of the show – it isn’t my main criticism of it as such.
This is the main objection: What defines a generation musically speaking is the original music that comes out in that generation. Modern music is defined by the Contemporary R’n’B and Hip-Hop that is popular at the moment. Anything that is in the charts will make my point, I would speak about specific artists but I am not what you might call an avid follower of chart stuff so I apologise for the lack of substance here. This is what my criticism of their failure to put contributing musicians into a forward looking music industry comes in. Ok lets be honest; The X Factor is a glorified Karaoke – for all intents and purposes. Contestants get up and cover a song... then leave again. So the end product, after a long contest, is that the nation knows who is most effective at learning to be able play someone elses song smoothly after a weeks preparation. Absolutely brilliant... if we want an industry driven entirely by cover artists. It strikes me that the shows aim is to render their contestants into the best musical based form of tracing paper possible. If it is agreed that the people who are going to make a difference in the music industry are those who play original songs, or who at least play covers in an entirely different and newly meaningful format than the originals, then surely it is also agreed that the proverbial human music tracing paper that are generated by the show are not going to be the individuals who define the generation and who make masses of impact on the scene altogether. I may be the only person out there thinking this, but I certainly think that a show that seems to be attempting to give something to the music industry rather than a one night stand type of entertainment to the public in the format of the running of the show, ought to be trying to generate contestants with their own ideas and musical visions. In the pre show interviews I am struck by the amount of people all saying their motivation for embarrassing themselves on national television is for the potential fame the show brings. If for once someone with a new idea of their own came on the show it would be refreshing. If the show wouldn’t chew them up and spit them out in the mainstream machine *cogs spinning, money making, people burning* manner in which it would, then it would nurture some real musicians for the public. To back up my point just think of how many successful musicians have come from X Factor compared to the amount of series. Listing all those I can think of off the top of my head there are 6 (Cher, Jedward, Leonna Lewis, JLS, Alexandra Burke, Matt Carlisle)... I may have missed a few, but still the show hasn’t bred that many true super stars, and in fact the amount of people who go through the show seemingly successfully and come out doing nothing are unbelievable. Just 4 people for you to dwell on the careers of who illustrate that point – Shane Ward, Steve Brookstein, Leon Jackson and Joe McElderry. Those are ALL winners of the show. If the show had forced them to generate a really revolutionary idea that nobody else was doing musically speaking, then they would at least have had memorable careers outside of reality television.
Onwards – the musical bias section... Louis Walsh. I almost only have to say his name and some people will know exactly what I mean. Watch his silly face every time an Irish person comes on the show. It lights up like a Christmas tree... on Prozac... getting a handjob. Honestly – that would like me hailing the talent of anyone going on the show who spoke like a member of Adge Cutler and the Wurzels (although having said that, The Wurzels would truly be refreshment amongst the tiresome love song crooning of the average contestant). So the shows are fundamentally unfair, on top of every other allegation I’ve brought before it. If we accept for a second that a supposed ‘music based show’ being diametrically opposed to the originality that benefits the industry is an entirely valid concept, then could it not at least be fair in its assessment? Ok put Louis Walsh and his national pride to one side for a second... Have you noticed the instances of what I call ‘pity qualification’? Pity qualification being when a contestant comes on with a suitably whiny, tearful backstory, and the nation holds it breath, watch them belt out some words that are nothing special in a nothing special way, and then all applaud the effort. Its as if we could all win the X factor if we had the audacity to actually let something go wrong in our perfect, straight teeth, unscarred, Clearasil, plastic, tacky, Californian beach hut, sunny lives, in which the unicorns are housetrained and there is always a rainbow in the sky of haribo dolly mix. As sorry as I am that their lives have been blemished in some way, that hasn’t turned them into B.B. King overnight. If the contest was fair I’d feel far less resentment towards it. I’m going to return to Louis now to elaborate on a slightly different tangent about the Irish point. The Irish as a nation are highly proud, they get behind Irish athletes, support Irish politicians... and Ooh, guess what? – They vote for Irish singers. Call me a conspiracy theorist if you like, but it would make sense that ITV would see the benefit in having Irish people competing. It keeps their phone lines ticking and also therefore their bank balances expanding. So I think Louis’s inclusion on the show is based on more than his ability to manage bands. In fact I think their thinking can be understood by this simple diagram:
Louis Walsh = Irish contestants competing > Irish contestants = Irish voters > Irish voters = money
This point is pretty isolated from this rant in a way, but its still based on the same frustrating sentiment that the show is money obsessed at the sufferance of the actual music.
At last I come to the demographic of the general viewer. This is more a conclusive point if I’m honest. The viewer supports all of this. The money hunger, the destruction of the musical industry, the putting of pop music and pop musicians on a pedestal of oh great musical judgement – none of this could be done without them. I don’t propose a boycott... or a strike... or any other moronic Totnes type idea that could be formulating in my head. If it was 50% more ‘total-prat’, that is. I am not surprised that the concept of The X Factor was ever conceived, perhaps I am not surprised either that the people have followed it. After all, there are always those who can’t put sob stories to one side and make an unbiased decision, there are always those who are going to have a snobby absolutist view of pop music and there are always the Irish who vote Irish. It still saddens me nonetheless.
I can only beg two things – 1) To all talent singers saying you want to go on X Factor; DON’T. You’ll become a cover artist and never have a career. If you really are talented then pursue a career and get noticed. When you do get noticed, don’t let them tell you how to do your stuff either. When music becomes compromise it becomes The X Factor. And 2) To Simon Cowell; read this rant. Make the snide remarks if you wish, but the facts are here in this rant. Stick that in your sweet pipe and smoke it my dear. Doesn’t it taste just great?
*For all you clever-wever, notey-wotey taking, observant leftists: I have not just gone back on myself – Beethoven’s skill level in arranging specific instances of energy released by aurally noticeable vibration IS unquestionable. Even if you don’t like it. I’m sure even that you don’t. To become a good a composer as he was takes immense skill. Its not like his pieces are based on 3 major chords. To illustrate my point I’ll use 2 examples – Sid Vicious, a poor bassist technicality and skill wise, regardless of how much you do or do not like his music – The members of Dream Theatre, all have great musical skill levels but again how good the music is remains a matter of debate. Seriously; just one comment telling me this bit is me contradicting myself and I’ll lose all remaining faith in humanity. Outside of what I expect from the trolls of course.
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